11. Who is Co-dependent?

"For a time, the drug-user in my life had complete control of our home and happiness. His actions left me feeling nervous, sleepless, angry, and afraid. I was reacting to unpleasant situations in ways I didn't like, and he capitalised on my weakness."

The person above was, in one word, codependent. I think everyone who has gone through the horrible experience of having drugs invade their family will recognise at least part of the story above.

The term codependency is most often used by treatment programmes and persons active in the self-help groups based on the 12 steps originally created by Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.). There are not only 12-step groups for the addicts, but also for families and close friends. We have Al-Anon, Al-a-teen and also Families Anonymous. All these programmes offer help to those people whose lives have become unmanageable because of another person's drug problem.

To introduce the concept of codependency, we might use a test first developed by Melody. If you answer yes to three or more of these 20 questions maybe you could use help from any of the 12 step groups mentioned in this article. The questions also give you an idea of what it is all about:

CO-DEPENDENCY QUESTIONS

1.	Do you worry a lot about someone else's drinking/drugging?	Yes	No
2.	Do you have financial problems because of another person's drug abuse?	Yes	No
3.	Do you lie to hide that somebody's using drugs?	Yes	No
4.	Do you feel that to one of your loved ones the drug is more important than you are?	Yes	No
5.	Do you feel that your drug addict's behaviour is caused by his/her friends?	Yes	No
6.	Do you often have to change meal times because of the drug addict?	Yes	No
7.	Do you often use threats like "If you don't stop drinking/drugging I will leave you"?	Yes	No
8.	When you hug the drink/drug addict do you secretly try to smell his/her breath?	Yes	No
9.	Are you afraid to do something to upset the drug addict because it might cause him/her to start using?	Yes	No
10.	Have you been hurt/embarrassed by your drug addict's behaviour?	Yes	No
11.	Does it seem as if every vacation is ruined because of alcohol or drugs?	Yes	No
12.	Have you considered calling the police because of the drug addict's behaviour?	Yes	No
13.	Do you look for hidden bottles or hidden drugs?	Yes	No
14.	Do you feel that the drug addict would stop using to make you happy, if he/she loved you?	Yes	No
15.	Have you said no to parties because of fear or worry?	Yes	No
16.	Do you feel a sense of guilt when you think of the efforts you've made to control the addict?	Yes	No

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Drugs are illiegal because they are dangerous - They are not dangerous because they are illegal.